He is better

It's 6:30pm tonight, and I'm crying in the freaking car as I drive home. Crying! Can you believe that? I know I can, and I'll tell you why: because Matt Chandler loves God more than he loves anything else, and I want that.

They released his pathology report today: the tumor was malignant and uncontained, but the language seemed to indicate the doctors were still pretty optimistic about the whole thing. However: this is brain cancer we're talking about. Probably one of the worst two-word combinations there is to hear, let alone about yourself. Especially after you've just had your head dug in and now they tell you it's not over yet. Yet Matt has heard this, and he digs in with his family both personal and church around him and says "God is better." And it hits me because that's what I want.

I want my heart to be in a place where God is always better. Rich or poor, He's better. Sick as a dog and on the verge of death or having another normal healthy day? He's better. Hugging my first son on the day of his graduation from college? God's still better than that. Standing at the funeral weeping and holding my wife because our child passed before he could even crawl. God is still better.

My heart craves that sort of strength, that combination of my will with His that leads me to always seeking my joy in Him. Always. Not when the day has been pretty good and I've managed not to do bad things. In all things, at all times. This is Christian hedonism, and it's what I pursue.

Father, I pray to You that if it is in Your will, that You will bring healing to Matt, whether it's through Your miraculous work or through the skilled hands of a doctor. If Your will is that he should return home, however....I pray for strength and healing for all of us. I ask that You would not allow this to become an embittering moment for anyone, but rather that You would let Yourself be glorified in all of us reaching out to each other in love and support, that we would be filled with the Spirit to the point that corporately we do exactly what we have been seeking to understand through Matt's words all these years. I pray that You would give us the strength, the will, and the wisdom to live as real Christians, to live out Paul's words of Philippians 1:21 when he says, "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." I know this is going to hurt...but help us all to keep looking to You through the pain, to see Your beauty and remember what we are running for.