Love

I have pondered exactly how to write on the issue of gay marriage in the aftermath of the Supreme Court's decision to legalize it.  I am torn--not on my position on the subject, because that is firm opposition.  Rather, I am torn in exactly how to approach it.  I have friends near and far and coworkers who consider themselves to be homosexual or to be "allies."  My goal here is not to write an angry rant, because I'm not angry and it would accomplish nothing.  Certainly there is a measure of disappointment but that is tempered by the knowledge that God is God, and while man foolishly believes in his own autonomy, God will ultimately be glorified in all things.

The heart of man plans his way,
   but the Lord establishes his steps.
--Proverbs 16:9

However, I have come to face the fact that no matter what I say, no matter how calmly or reasonably I seek to discuss this, at this point there is little room for such things in the eyes of many.  The behavior of so many in recent months has made this abundantly clear: anything short of full-throated endorsement of homosexuality and its partners bisexuality and transgenderism will not be tolerated.  I don't say all this to set myself up as a potential victim; rather, I simply want to lay groundwork for this discussion, and pray that those who disagree with me will 1) actually read through this and allow me to speak for myself, rather than inserting thoughts and claims into my words that I do not actually make, and 2) understand this to be written in a spirit of love.

A thesis restatement

The last month has been a lot of things--amazing, exhausting, fruitful--and I feel that the time is ripe to write again.  Before digging back into various issues of the day, I want to expound a bit on this blog, why it's here and why I named it thusly.

Anyone who knows me, knows that one of the biggest influences on my life as a believer has been John Piper, whose writings and sermons along with the community of believers God placed me in have been a big part of my process of being forged into a new man.  And when I decided to start a new blog, I knew that the term he had coined to describe this philosophy and theology of taking ultimate joy in God above and beyond everything else was going to be a major motivating factor.  For one thing, it described God's reordering of my priorities and transformation of my heart, and for another it was incredibly evocative of the sort of introduction to reformed theology I had experienced.  I do remember in past years vaguely hearing things about "Calvinists" and hearing negative things attributed to them ("They believe all babies that die go to hell!" is one thing that sticks out in my mind) but exactly what that was or what it meant, beyond some conception of issues with free will I didn't really grasp.

But reading and listening to Piper, and with my eyes being opened to the full wealth of what is in Scripture, I saw that there was truly a great deal of joy in monergism--in the fact that my salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone.  And the Lord has been faithful to build on that foundation of truth He laid down in me, as I came to understand the necessity of Scripture alone as the sole infallible rule of faith to a meaningful, consistent worldview; of Christ alone as ultimate in all things and as the source of all things; of the glory of God as the ultimate purpose for all things.  And as the concept of "Christian hedonism" became fleshed out for me, the fact that it is not simply "You have ultimate personal satisfaction in Christ," but that it is the coming together of the church and Christ, something far beyond personal happiness, that I have been called into.  God has used my marriage, more than anything else, as a tool to teach me that.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, sothat he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.--Ephesians 5:25-32

My marriage has been a profoundly transforming experience, and since my last post and events, struggles, and many, many talks later, I have been overjoyed to see even a glimpse of the evidences of God's mercies in my life, to save me, to transform me from who I was into who I will be, and it consistently destroys any desires on my part to self-aggrandize.  My time spent with my wife just being, or working, or reading the Bible and praying together, has grown in quality and in its continuing impact on our lives.  We still have so far to go, with so many experiences lying before us, but if God is willing I am hopeful for many years with my bride to see fruit borne in our lives and the lives of children to come.

Probably one of the most fulfilling things we have done together, as simple as it is, has been to simply spend time each night reading some of the Bible together.  We read through Ecclesiastes, and right now we're going through Luke.  It's been incredible to see how God has spoken to us through His Word, and it's been an opportunity for both of us to learn, to be transformed by God's work through it, and to pray together.  Our life in marriage has grown stronger proportionally with our time spent in the Word and in prayer.

And I have been filled with joy and longing as I've learned that being in Christ is not simply a matter of personal fulfillment, though certainly that is a part of it; one should find ultimate strength, of course, in drawing their life from the Author of all things.  But my fulfillment is not ultimate, and that is a lesson I desire to have sink into me and produce some real change.  As an American I've been brought up in an environment where everything is about me, where the message is "pursue the American dream, buy a house, get rich, have kids."  Now, I am looking forward to things like having a home and having kids, but whatever form that comes in, my desire is that it is deeply rooted in being obedient to God's call on me.  The church I'm part of is starting, for lack of a better term, a layman training academy to allow those of us who desire to, to begin studying the deep issues, to pursue the Word and the Spirit in close contact with others.

That's enough about me.  Honestly, what you'll probably see here is more commentary about events and articles, and I plan to start a series on the book of Ephesians, one of my favorite books.  I desire to worship in Spirit and in truth, in this as well as in everything else.

Changes

I mentioned earlier that I was closing in on marriage, and most of my posts lately have not been terribly personal in nature.  This is my fault, it's my nature to look at things from 30,000 feet, to take something small and use it as a microcosm of a larger picture.  And I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that, but it's only so helpful to myself or to others.  At the end of the day if I'm talking with someone who doesn't know Jesus, maybe someone who's even offended by the whole idea, being able to discuss big points of theology is only so useful.  It's absolutely necessary, and I have no intention of stopping, but being able to express Jesus' impact on my heart and my life requires more than an ability to explain the concept of atonement and propitiation.

And so, how has Jesus affected me?  Well, he has made me able to love a woman, to desire to be a godly husband to her and to be willing to give up my self for her own sake.  Those are not things I would willingly do on my own.  If you came to me ten years ago and said "Okay Dave, here's a woman, and she's going to do things you don't like and you're going to disagree on some things and there will be points that certain things you like will have to be let go of," I would have told you to kindly move along, I had no interest in such things.  But because I saw exactly how much Jesus was willing to give up for the sake of saving me--His life--and through His gentleness and grace shining through all the crud in my life to lovingly pull me closer in to Him, I have had the desire to be likewise with Jessica.  Rather than begrudgingly going along so that "I get what I want" out of a relationship, the Holy Spirit has planted in me a desire to become a husband that looks like Jesus in the way that I am with my wife.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.--Ephesians 5:22-33

Now, I want to make one thing clear: the difficultly in expressing personal things here really comes from the fact that the work being wrought by the Spirit sounds so much more straightforward and simple than the actual path and walk through life while enduring it.  As I said: my natural inclination is to do what I want.  Doing what I want by its nature precludes being able to be the sort of husband described above: giving of all of my self for another's sake, seeking to present her without blemish rather than taking what I want, loving her as I love myself.  It is only by God's grace that the desire to be this way has been given to me, and I'll tell you right now...there are still times where I just want to say "Screw it, I'm gonna sit this event out."  There are times that I encounter that old, selfish self and again by God's grace, I'm able to be aware of it, to not be enslaved to sin but instead to know the danger lurking in front of me.  When those times come, there are still times where I have done the wrong thing...but God has been gracious to give me a loving and forgiving wife that prays with me and for me.  And so through up and down, sinful desire and frustrated prayer, God has slowly, lovingly continued His work to create a new man where an old angry, bitter, selfish one once stood.  My daily prayer is to endure day by day and rely solely upon the grace of Jesus on the cross, knowing that now He is my great high priest, interceding for me and providing what I need daily.

One point of contention that has caused frustration and conflicts that have required us both to spend a lot of time talking and praying for guidance has been church.  We come from different church backgrounds and while I have been a member of the Village for some years now, it seems that she has never been able to find a place there.  I have no intention of dragging her to a place she does not desire to be, but I am also concerned that we end up in a place that is a good watering ground for growing in the Gospel.  We live in the Bible Belt, with a seemingly endless number of churches around us--but many of them are run by "peddlers of God's word," endorsing self-help philosophies and theological notions that have nothing to do with the Gospel of Jesus and more to do with feeling better about yourself and hoping in earthly gain of some kind, whether of the health and wealth type or of the self-righteousness type.

I do not pretend that there is a perfect church out there, because all churches are run by men and will have things that just don't work or end in the right place.  But after spending so much time in a church run by and filled with men and women who desire to submit themselves to the Gospel and have a deep love for Jesus, I can't bear to settle for less than that.  Jessica and I will have to work through and find a place that satisfies us, but I know that for both of us it will be a matter of sacrificing and of God working in our hearts to transform us further into the image of Christ.  We have had moments of frustration and charged discussions about it, but we love each other and we know that God is working actively in our lives to achieve the greatest good.  And so, we trust Him and walk forward, praying for a light to guide each step.

I've also been taking time away from the performing world, and I have stopped performing with the band I had played with for several years.  There are a few reasons, but it can be summed up in feeling that God was calling me at least out of that position.  More pragmatically, my job had become too much to deal with sudden trips out of town and the wedding preparations demanded more attention.  But again, here was a place that God had moved in me to make me open-handed about it, rather than trying to cling to it desperately until God had to painfully pry me out of it.  His mercy worked slowly, gently to change me, and I am thankful for His grace.  I'd like to get back into playing, and I have some plans I'm kicking around but I will probably wait until after the wedding and the busy season of work to start initiating them.

I don't know where God will take me, and to be honest I don't think I expected to be here.  But one thing that's been made clear, from all the work He's been doing in my life, is that He will not stop until He's accomplished what He set out to do when the Gospel fell in my heart.  I praise His name for that, and I desire that the things that hold me back from living it out fully would be healed and removed, so that more people would see the love of Christ in me.