Since returning from a trip out of town, I've been in a lot of pain. I am thankfully scheduled to see a doctor today, but for the last few weeks I have been limping around with a lot of pain in my left leg. Sitting relieves it some, but in other ways just shifts it. Pain can, as I've written before, be a motivator, but it can also be very distracting. Pain can make one turn inward in self-pity. Even sitting here writing this is something of a burden on me, as I'd much rather be doing something that involves less working my mind and more just absorbing entertainment to distract me.
A consequence has been that it's been difficult to sit down and study the Word lately. I end up turning to it trying to find comfort but studying it has gone out the window. In the end, I find myself struggling with maintaining a grip on even basic truths, because my mind is willful and doesn't want to focus on God. It's given the enemy openings to exploit my fears and doubts, to amplify my sin before my eyes and darken my sight of Christ and His sacrifice for me.
I've had quite enough. To hell with this pain. I am not going to let it get between me and God, and I am sure as hell not going to let it drag me into some pool of despair. I am going to dig in on Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." God is the one who is doing work in me, changing my heart. I am responsible for my mind, what it is fed with and where it's focused, and I am not letting it take the easy road to destruction.
Last week was the final week of the men's Bible study for this season, until it starts again in January. A speaker came to give his testimony, Dr. Willie Peterson, a man who has been a big influence in the life of my table leader. Listening to him brought two important lessons to me. Well, one was a reinforcement of a previous one from our last speaker: all the Godly men I've met always point outward, they are always quick to give credit for where they are to others, and it was no different with him. There was no self-aggrandizement, only "oh, this wasn't me, this guy and this guy, they're the ones who led me out of where I was and showed me the way." In the same way God has convicted me where my own pride has held me up, and I seek every day to give it up, to surrender it, and it helps when I find real joy in being around men who lead me to be this way.
The other lesson was a practical one: find someone in the Bible that you feel kinship with in some way, someone that's similar to you, and study their lives. Contrary to popular misconception, the Bible is not full of Ned Flanders types that do nothing but float around while God dumps wrath on the rest of the fools around him. Time and time again, God picks up unlikely people and sets them up high. It is His way. It's mentioned explicitly when Jesus speaks on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." That's absolute craziness to normal human thinking, but God shows His hand by working contrary to how we think things should work. The man I feel has the most in common with me is my biblical namesake, David. There are three reasons in particular: 1) He was a musician; 2) He was a leader; and 3) He struggled with lust. Granted, there's much more to him than this, but these are pretty big points in his story, and they're pretty big points in mine.
So, I'm pursuing the renewal of my mind by looking at his life as it's written about, from the beginning. I'll write about it some here, especially as I find parallels with my own walk. The biggest thing I notice about him right at the beginning, that I strive for: he has absolutely no fear of anything earthly, but knowing more about him, he has total fear of God. I am digging in here so that I may push forward with that as a goal.
No comments:
Post a Comment