This morning was the second-to-last Tuesday morning men's Bible study for the fall over at church. Last spring was the first one but I didn't make it all the way through; being on the road combined with lots of other excuses led to me bailing on it about halfway through. This time, though, God granted me the drive to get my ass out of bed at 5am and get ready to make it there by 6:15. It's been one of the most fruitful things I've been involved in, and my table leader has made a huge impact on me, in terms of how I am approaching the people around me and how I'm approaching my quiet time with God. In my search to put things down that separate me from God, I often forget that the biggest thing we're called to do is love Him and those around us, and that part of that call is to go into the world and make disciples for Christ. I can't say that I've got any disciples following me around, but I do have a group of men who are pursuing Christ alongside me and who encourage me in my bad times and celebrate with me in the good, and through whom God has given me hope for the future and a lot of strength. So while the professional musician in me despises waking up while it's still dark, thankfully the Spirit's been a lot stronger.
I've been worn out lately, just feeling tired, especially after our trip out of town and back where I was up for about two days straight. In spite of that, I'm glad to be reminded on days like this that God's still there, when it's so easy for me to start feeling weighed down with my own problems. I wrote last time that I was feeling really introspective, and I talked with the guys about that today. It was getting to the point where it was interfering with my ability to do life in any way. Introspection is good to a point where it drives you to put down something that's destructive, but as with everything else on earth it quickly becomes destructive when uncoupled from real submission to God. I've found myself going into "I need to fix this or God will be mad at me" mode several times, and even though I know it's wrong and wholly unbiblical, it's hard not to think like that. I still struggle with sin--but of course I do. I'm justified, but I'm not perfect; at the same time, I need to continue to live in confession with the believers I'm close to, and to keep looking to Christ in those times when I feel tempted.
Beau preached this Sunday, and he spoke on the issue of anxiety, how it leads us to try to control our lives yet frustrates us with our inability to do so. This can be good to a very limited degree in that it brings us to realize that we're on a wrong course, but so many of us (myself included) have a hard time letting Him drive. Matthew 6:22-23 says, "The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!" I grow more anxious when I spend my time looking at the things that concern me--the things that tempt me to sin, the possible problems to com in the future--because they begin to overwhelm me. I need to look to God because He's the one in control, He's the one who's set me free, and He's the one who gives me the strength to endure and the ability to rejoice. I'm gonna pull over and let Someone Else drive.
2 comments:
Big Dave:
It's just great to hear your story, brother. I remember vividly, in 03-04 in the dorms walking those halls and praying for many to be changed by the gospel. I didn't even know what that even meant. We've all come of age now. I'm glad you're down there serving @thevillage. What a great place to know and experience the love of Jesus.
I'll have to purchase a CD. I'll look you up on emusic
It's funny going back and reading this later on, and seeing that some of these same things still pounce on me. Especially the issue of viewing God as punitive, rather than as my loving Heavenly Father. I need to keep praying about that and staying in the Word.
Post a Comment