Let it be the end

There is a particular course of events that I haven't gone into detail here about, nor do I plan to. Those close to me know what I'm referring to; if you don't, I'm afraid you'll have to stay in the dark. It involves people I was once close to, and my prayer is that regardless of the outcome tomorrow, that it would be the end of this. Here's what I posted last time around, I think it's still fitting.

Father, as I sit here on the eve of what I hope will be the end of a lot of frustration, I pray for the ability to forgive. I don't want to be hanging on to bitterness anymore than I want those who have caused it to hang on to it. It hurts me and eats at me, and I want to give it to You, to leave it at the foot of the cross and go forth into tomorrow and beyond forgiving and forgiven--not in a sense of smarminess and a desire to show up anyone, but in genuine love. I ask that You let Your Spirit stir in me and bring me to that genuine love...without Your strength I am a frustrated, bitter man angry at the world and the people around me because I don't have what I want. With You I find that none of those things I want are as desirable as You, and in You I find real peace.

I feel like I'm in a different place now in my heart than I was when I wrote that. I have a better understanding of what it looks like in my life to love my neighbor, and to bless those who persecute me, yet it's still a fitting moment to turn to God for strength. Whatever happens, I pray that He will let this be the end of this chapter, and the beginning of forgiveness and reconciliation.

I've written about this in private a couple times and that word keeps coming to me; I think there's a reason for that. Nevertheless, I trust God to do everything in His own time. I just hope that He does allow this page to be turned at last.