Seeking desire

So, it's been a few days since I posted last. It's been a busy time, filled with work, travel and in general stress and running around. Plenty of time to build experience for writing about what I promised to address in list form several days ago: the things that drive my affections away from God, and towards the things of the world. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the world, because there are a lot of things to be enjoyed--but in the end, they're all temporal, gone in a flash. God is everlasting, and where I want to place my greatest desires. So here's a list of the things that surround those times when I don't desire God, and what I seek to avoid (but, admittedly, often fail):

*Missing out on time in the Word. I'd consider this something of a no-brainer, but a crucial one. So many times God has led me to deeper understandings of my life day to day through passages I'm led to, and I've been pretty good about getting into it lately. But, it's not something that comes naturally (and even as a big reader I must admit that), and I have to push myself to stay in it. It's also a big area of spiritual warfare; every single time I get ready to delve into it a million things pop into my head that I need to do right now. I become unnaturally productive when it comes time to study the Scriptures.

*Fatigue. This has been a big one lately; I haven't been sleeping very well lately and with getting up early for work, that makes keeping my energy up and the desire to be positive and proactive about God difficult. However, it's an issue I do my best to deal with, going to bed early if I can and taking the issue to God in prayer.

Now for two contradictory ones:

*Working too much. When I spend every waking moment save the ones coming or going from home working, it's hard to want to wake up even earlier to read the Bible or pray; I often make up for it by listening to sermon podcasts in the car when I deliver, but too much of that without getting a chance to read, or pray alone and for as long as needed without interruption, or to go out and serve, is like trying to do nothing but inhale; it starts out pretty well, but in the end you end up out cold and you don't necessarily get as much good out of it as you might think you would.

*Working too little. Extended periods of nothing have just as destructive an effect on my affections for God. Rest is important, but if I only work two days in a week it's hard to have a daily routine and it's easy to spend all my time on frivolous things or worse (thankfully, my new job has allowed me to deal with this somewhat). And that leads into the next one:

*Spending too much time focused on some sort of fictional universe. A lot of guys have this problem, spending hours and hours each day playing video games, watching movies or TV shows, reading, etc. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of those things--but as the central point in life, they are sorely lacking. For me it's generally one of a few things: for example, on days off I often find myself sitting around watching episode after episode of some show online, like King of the Hill or the Simpsons, or becoming curious about some movie or book and end up spending hours plowing through Wikipedia articles on them in an effort to learn more. After doing this I always feel empty and bothered, and often more bored than when I started.

My new job has allowed me a better chance to have a daily routine to combat this, and God has put opportunities for me to keep busy on days off as well. For example, Saturday I have the day off completely, but I'll be going to the Frontier rehearsal camp, and perhaps getting involved again on some level. With a new schedule and greater financial freedom than before, it would be nice to experience the joys of drum corps again--even then, though, I don't want to tread back across into "too busy" territory.

And the big one:

*Getting angry. I am a man with a big ol' load of pride, I'll tell you. All it takes is someone being a jerk on the road, an unwelcome telemarketer (and yes, they seem to be back, somehow), getting stiffed on a delivery, or someone in charge of me in any of my jobs giving me some heat, and all bets are off. Or at least, they were...it's something God has brought to my attention in big bright neon letters, and I strive to turn to Him every time I feel that burst of heated indignation over what are, of course, really stupid things.

On the same token, there are sometimes perfectly legitimate things that tempt me towards anger that I know will only lead to negative things. There are people that I have and do perform with that on occasion will get riled up themselves and get up at me about it in anger. Snapping back, of course, only makes things worse. I strive not to be quick to anger, but instead to show love in all these situations, and it's only through seeking God and making Him my central desire that I find myself able to do that naturally.

There are doubtlessly many more and again with this, I will edit it later. But it's a start and it's important stuff. These are what I strive to put behind me; though I fail often, I am hopeful in God and in His promise not to discontinue His good work in me.